It's like a online central park. There's people yelling and screaming at each other. There's people snogging in full view of the world, there are even specimens indulging in scrapsex, if it can be called that. After phone, cyber and bluetooth, now it's scrap sex. How depraved can humanity or whatever breeds in the inner recesses of networking sites get.
It's bad enough most people I know are socially inept in real life. On orkut that ineptitude just persists. Now we all know that the only way one can get someone else to appear interested in oneself is by bending the truth. At least when it comes to an online profile.
Tall, handsome, athletic, intelligent, rich, smart, funny the list goes on... Even then it's often once in about 200 profile views that someone is going to sit up and say hey here's a tall, handsome, athletic, intelligent, rich, smart, funny person to interact with. Maybe have scrapsex or something. Or perhaps coffee.
But no. In some weird ideal people will persist on writing things like I'm here for "dating (women)". We do realise that most people are twenty-something never-been-kisseds frustrated and often desperate. I think the term for that is horny. But this is a PG13 blog so if you are less than 13 years of age and don't have mommy or daddy around you this is where you press Alt+F4. Actually it was two lines ago but that makes it a catch-22.
Broadcasting that situation out to the world, getting back to the main point in debate, is not going to get a response. It's Catch 22 again.
And there's profile views to tell you which one of the denizens on orkut voluntarily or by error decided to browse through your page and you politely browse back and that's like eye's meeting. So you walk across the room, hesitantly, drink in hand, bumping into old friends but maintaining eye contact. Perhaps making a few new friends along the way with a mental note to check them out but all the time you're eyes are still on that person. And when finally the twain meet there's the all pervasive orkut pickup line - "Do you vant to make fraandship?" which is equivalent to an ooga-booga, if you know what I mean.
In essence though I'm guilty of being on orkut and I shall plead so on judgement day. It does give me enough reasons to laugh and occasionally someone might just message out of nowhere and then maybe things'll look up.
But here's the typical profile, collected from various sources and amalgamated to make the ultimate deal with instructions.
about me: (whatever you want, you're star sign, how cool you are? yada yada - creative writing. nobody ever believes a word but it just might be a good idea to write a good one here)
relationship status: single (duh?)
birthday: (if you're planning to lie here just make sure it matches with the star sign)
here for: (this is the dating (women) column)
children: (lie here)
ethnicity: (again whatever, make sure it matches the picture)
languages i speak: (a creative zulu, abo, ennui, not that's innuit etc would help)
religion: (nobody cares)
political view: very right-conservative - (this is not what you should be putting here)
humor: campy/cheesy, friendly, goofy/slapstick - (again, no difference)
sexual orientation: straight - (very important)
fashion: alternative, contemporary, natural - (lies - "percentage bags, and vernacular film watching pants" - I owe a friend for this.)
smoking: no
drinking: no
pets: i like pet(s)
living: with roommate(s), friends visit often - (with parents is a strict no no here too. Lie.)
the rest of the passions movies music thing is tough and go. try not to put in stuffed toys in your bedroom, or accessories for sexually deviant behaviour.
And this is turning into an advice column.
Just be yourselves. It'll give me something to laugh about.
It's bad enough most people I know are socially inept in real life. On orkut that ineptitude just persists. Now we all know that the only way one can get someone else to appear interested in oneself is by bending the truth. At least when it comes to an online profile.
Tall, handsome, athletic, intelligent, rich, smart, funny the list goes on... Even then it's often once in about 200 profile views that someone is going to sit up and say hey here's a tall, handsome, athletic, intelligent, rich, smart, funny person to interact with. Maybe have scrapsex or something. Or perhaps coffee.
But no. In some weird ideal people will persist on writing things like I'm here for "dating (women)". We do realise that most people are twenty-something never-been-kisseds frustrated and often desperate. I think the term for that is horny. But this is a PG13 blog so if you are less than 13 years of age and don't have mommy or daddy around you this is where you press Alt+F4. Actually it was two lines ago but that makes it a catch-22.
Broadcasting that situation out to the world, getting back to the main point in debate, is not going to get a response. It's Catch 22 again.
And there's profile views to tell you which one of the denizens on orkut voluntarily or by error decided to browse through your page and you politely browse back and that's like eye's meeting. So you walk across the room, hesitantly, drink in hand, bumping into old friends but maintaining eye contact. Perhaps making a few new friends along the way with a mental note to check them out but all the time you're eyes are still on that person. And when finally the twain meet there's the all pervasive orkut pickup line - "Do you vant to make fraandship?" which is equivalent to an ooga-booga, if you know what I mean.
In essence though I'm guilty of being on orkut and I shall plead so on judgement day. It does give me enough reasons to laugh and occasionally someone might just message out of nowhere and then maybe things'll look up.
But here's the typical profile, collected from various sources and amalgamated to make the ultimate deal with instructions.
about me: (whatever you want, you're star sign, how cool you are? yada yada - creative writing. nobody ever believes a word but it just might be a good idea to write a good one here)
relationship status: single (duh?)
birthday: (if you're planning to lie here just make sure it matches with the star sign)
here for: (this is the dating (women) column)
children: (lie here)
ethnicity: (again whatever, make sure it matches the picture)
languages i speak: (a creative zulu, abo, ennui, not that's innuit etc would help)
religion: (nobody cares)
political view: very right-conservative - (this is not what you should be putting here)
humor: campy/cheesy, friendly, goofy/slapstick - (again, no difference)
sexual orientation: straight - (very important)
fashion: alternative, contemporary, natural - (lies - "percentage bags, and vernacular film watching pants" - I owe a friend for this.)
smoking: no
drinking: no
pets: i like pet(s)
living: with roommate(s), friends visit often - (with parents is a strict no no here too. Lie.)
the rest of the passions movies music thing is tough and go. try not to put in stuffed toys in your bedroom, or accessories for sexually deviant behaviour.
And this is turning into an advice column.
Just be yourselves. It'll give me something to laugh about.
