My dad has an Apartment Complex. No, he isn't a fat cat builder, a business baron, a marble maharaja or some sandstone sultan. He's a PhD in Organic Chemistry. Yes, run for your lives and while you're running a little sympathy my way would be just great. He doesn't own any large apartment conglomerate and live off the rent, in fact he doesn't even own a house. Why after 30 odd years in bangalore he doesn't own a house is a valid question. That's because he has the apartment complex. Before ye of little faith start bellowing catch 22s and other such cliches I do believe an explanation is required. The man can't live in a flat. He loses it. Gets itchy and claustrophobic and can't stand the fact that he can't stop a neighbours brat from listening to hiphop or heavy metal while all he has to do in the current situation is revoke my food/water/alcohol privileges and persist on listening to KL Saigal on a home theater system.
I'm not sure whence this belligerence to condominiums arose but it's there.
I've always wanted a flat. ClubHouse, Swimming Pool, tons of kids to play with (that was when I was a kid. Stop calling me Michael) blah blah. But I find myself now wondering if that's such a good idea outside of the economic benefit and that the tons of kids (then) would have grown up and might still be sporting. But just heard that a friend of mine's been tapping into the neighbour's wi-fi. Now she's conscientious enough that all she does is check mail but if I had a chance I'd be downloading movies/porn/both. And I guess the same is true for any sod like me who taps into my wi-fi. I don't have one yet but like the Bose home theater system, a Hummer, and my neurosurgery degree I will get it. So strike one.
Those adverts that came on tv about apartments with common walls freaked me out. It's bad enough having 10 meters between me and the man behind my house and being able to listen to him gargling (I hope it's gargling) every morning. Imagine him with only a wall between. The stuff that one gets to hear in apartments I think is what inspires the Ektaaaaa to make those intelligence sapping serials of hers. Marital/Extraaa-marital accord/discord, you get the drift. So that's strike two since I don't like listening to other people doing their thing. Whatever it is.
And then there's the man who names these buildings. The @#$@# is he thinking? I'd name a few but there are people who live in the ill-named apartments who then might issue a fatwa which seems to be the order of the day. Vande mataram. What were they thinking? The country's threatening to burn up over the reservation issue and the stock market's falling like superman strapped to a 2 ton block of kryptonite and the world now knows that a good bunch of the country's boys and girls are druggies... Oh I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose... and all the news channels (which I will trash in a subsequent post) can come up with is a story about a fatwa on not even Georgie W but vande mataram. Strike three. will find a cottage in some village and have a helipad to commute.
But there are some who've hit a goldmine with their flats. Take granny and granpa for instance. Religious, carnatic and cricket loving couple, tambrahm, found a 14 flat complex with 12 other brahms tam or otherwise in it. Party time! Lets have a light tea, muruku get together and discuss the Hindu's editorial. Well they love the place. There hasn't been meat cooked in that entire building for the past 15 years. Like I said, they love the place.
Some more jokes about a flat rate brewing in my head but will spare ye all. Later it is.
